Read My Lips
by GilmoreGirl96
Summary: Ever wondered how Luke and Lorelai would handle raising a deaf child? Probably not. Read anyway! 'The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.' – Helen Keller
1. Adversities, appointments & arguments

**A/N: This is something that I had floating at the back of my mind for awhile now. Its just something I've always wanted to write about, maybe bring some awareness to the subject? However, I'm not sure if anyone's actually going to enjoy reading this story; so please, review, review, review! I want to know what you guys think before I continue with this story and follow if you wish! :)**

**Disclaimer: As much as I wish I were; I am not Amy. **

* * *

**Chapter one: Adversities, appointments and arguments.**

_Short backstory: _

_Set in the summer of 1999. Lorelai 31. Luke 33. Rory is 14, almost 15. Eloise 3 (b. summer of 1996, so it's a new 3). Lorelai and Luke married in '93 had been dating for two years prior to this. Rory was 8. (We are assuming that they met pretty soon after Lorelai moved to Starshollow)_

* * *

_"Deaf people can do anything, except hear."- I. King Jordan_

* * *

Lorelai was sitting at the kitchen table, the beautiful summer's day illuminating the room. She sat with her elbows anchored on the table, her hands holding up her head, looking wistfully at the infant sitting opposite her.

Three year old Eloise sat on her knees on the opposite chair. Her loose chestnut curls falling around her shoulders, her pale skin illuminated by the sunlight and her big blue eyes staring attentively down at her colouring book. She sat silently, her face screwed up in concentration as she tried desperately hard to keep within the lines. This made Lorelai smile, _such a perfectionist_, she thought. Lorelai watched with fascination as Eloise delicately stroked the paper with the thick magic marker. She seemed peaceful; lost in her own little world, focusing on the task at hand. Eloise tilted her head to the side to judge the finished product, a content smile spread across her face. Slowly and carefully removing herself from the chair, she took the book from the table and walked around to Lorelai, holding it in the air for her to see with a proud smile.

"Wow, that's beautiful, babe! Shall we put it on the fridge?" Lorelai spoke clearly and steadily, signing the keywords _beautiful_ and _refrigerator_ in ASL; pointing to the door of the fridge which was already adorned with several of Eloise's drawings. Eloise smiled and nodded enthusiastically.

"Yeah? Alrighty then!" Lorelai beamed, and began to carefully remove the finished drawing from Eloise's colouring book. Rearranging the almost full fridge she found a space and attached the new drawing with four fridge magnets. Eloise bent her neck back, looking up at the fridge with wide eyes. Lorelai smiled down at her daughter, scooped her up into her arms and blew a raspberry on her belly, causing a giggle to escape from Eloise's mouth. She held Eloise up right balancing her on her hip. Eloise wrapped her arms around her mother's neck to steady herself a big grin still on her face. Lorelai shifted Eloise on her hip so that there was a good distance between them and to ensure that Eloise was facing her.

"What'd you say? Think it's time for lunch? Are you hungry, Eloise?" Lorelai asked, forming her right hand into a c shape and moving it in a downward motion in front of her oesophagus, signing the word _hungry_. Eloise looked at Lorelai perplexedly, blinking her big blue eyes.

"Well, I'm hungry," Lorelai said placing her daughter back on the ground, kneeling down so that she was eye level. "Shall we go see Daddy and get him to make us a humongous cheeseburger?" Lorelai questioned playfully, spreading out her palm and tapping her thumb lightly on her forehead; signing the word _Daddy_.

This was one of the signs that Eloise knew extremely well, her face lit up with glee. She imitated the sign Lorelai had just made with excitement, making a soft but insistent "hm" sound to emphasize her point. Lorelai shook her head smiling, and placed Eloise back on her hip as she grabbed her purse. "You are such a Daddy's girl," she muttered to herself as she walked out the front door, a smile tugging at her lips.

* * *

As Lorelai entered the Diner, Eloise wiggled her legs impatiently wanting to be free from her mother's grasp. "Yes, okay, okay, you can get down now," Lorelai sighed and placed Eloise on the floor. Once Eloise was happily returned to the ground, she ran as fast as her little legs would carry her, behind the counter and into the small kitchen, before Lorelai could catch her.

"Eloi- " Lorelai went to call for her daughter as she walked after her, however she stopped abruptly realising that there was no point. Eloise would not hear her calling. She sighed and sat down at a nearby table.

Eloise spotted the back of a tall man in jeans, flannel and a backwards baseball cap. She bounded into the back of her father's legs, wrapping her arms around them and enveloping them into a tight hug.

Luke twisted around to see two big blue orbs shining up at him, a huge smile plastered across her face. "What are you doing back here, huh?" He smiled at the sight of his daughter and bent to pick her up. "You little rascal!" he exclaimed playfully, beginning to tickle her tiny tummy. Eloise squealed with joy as she squirmed in his arms. He chuckled at her and pulled her upright, she wrapped her arms around his neck and placed a wet kiss to his unshaven cheek.

Luke came out of the kitchen, with a happy Eloise in his arms. He spotted Lorelai at a nearby table, staring vacantly out of the window. She looked troubled, as she played nervously with her hair.

"I believe this belongs to you," Luke said dryly as he reached Lorelai's table, startling her from her daze.

"Why, hello there!" she exclaimed, pretending to be caught off guard at the sight of her daughter.

"You know, you've really got to stop her from running back there; the kitchen's not safe,"

"Well it's your fault,"

"My fault, how?"

"You've made her into a daddy's girl, there's no way I can control her once she's set foot on the diners premise," she reasoned, with a shrug.

Luke chuckled, "Well, you're probably right," he said as he bent down to place a hello kiss to her lips, she gave him a flirty smile and then giggled as she saw Eloise playfully covering her eyes with her hands.

Luke rolled his eyes and then removed a hand from her face, and pressed a kiss to her cheek teasingly, causing her to squeal and squirm slightly in his arms. He sat her on the chair opposite Lorelai and pulled out his order pad, "Right then, what are we having?" he asked gruffly, his pen poised over the pad.

"Burger and chilli fries," Lorelai stated, matter-of-factly.

"Coffee?" he asked.

Lorelai arched an eyebrow, "Do you really have to ask?"

Luke sighed, "You're right, silly me," he said dryly, "And, Eloise?"

Lorelai leaned over and lightly tapped the table in front of Eloise, she looked up at Lorelai expectantly, a smile on her face. Lorelai beamed back, there was something about that smile; it could instantly lift her mood.

"Eloise," she began forming her hand, so that it formed the sign for 'E'. It had become the sign that Lorelai had adopted when addressing Eloise, as she did not have a name sign, "What would you like to eat?" she asked, moving her right hand to her mouth in a repeated motion, signing the word _eat_.

Eloise tilted her head, as if she was deep in thought, bringing her hand to her mouth subconsciously. She then began to 'squish' the heels of her hands together repeatedly, signing the word for _cheese_ and letting out a soft, short 'hm' sound. She turned to give Luke a cheeky smile.

"Grilled cheese coming up," he said, ruffling the top of her curls and walking back towards the counter, pouring a cup of coffee for Lorelai.

"You're _pretty_," Lorelai cooed, as he placed the cup in front of her.

Luke rolled his eyes, "Yeah, yeah, that's what all the caffeine junkies say," he said dryly as he walked back towards the kitchen again.

Lorelai opened her mouth in mock exasperation, as Eloise began to wave her hands widely towards the direction of the door, propping herself up on her knees. Lorelai swivelled around, to see Rory walking towards them.

"Hey, sweets, how was school?" she asked, as Rory bent down to place a kiss on her cheek and then made her way over to Eloise.

"Hey, Eloise," she said, waving back and then placing a kiss on the top of her sisters head before sitting down in the vacant seat, "It was the last day," she said sadly, addressing her mother.

"I know," Lorelai said sympathetically, tilting her head.

"I hate last days," Rory said with a pout, "What's the point in them, we don't do anything apart from play games,"

Lorelai gave a soft laugh, "Aw, my little freak," she teased, placing a hand on Rory's arm and giving it a small squeeze.

Eloise started to hum insistently to get Lorelais attention, waving her hand in Lorelai's direction. Lorelai smiled, "Yeah, sweets?" she asked. Eloise open and closed her hands, signing _book_.

"Oh, right, sorry!" she said, reaching down to pull '_The Very Hungry Caterpillar_' from her purse and handing it to her. Lorelai turned to look at Rory and saw the sad expression on her face, "Hey, honey, cheer up its summer!" she said brightly.

"Yippee!" Rory said sarcastically, pumping her fist in the air.

Lorelai rolled her eyes, "_Okay_, I'm getting you some food, any preferences?" she asked as she stood up and started walking towards the till.

Rory's mood instantly lifted, "Chilli fries!" she called, excitedly.

"Got it," Lorelai called back, "Oh, Lucas," she cooed loudly into the kitchen.

Luke made his way out of the kitchen and towards the counter, where Lorelai was now seated on the stool closest to the till; the troubled look was back. He sighed heavily, he hated not being able to fix things, especially his wife's happiness.

"You okay?" he asked sympathetically.

"Oh, uh, yeah," she said sheepishly, embarrassed at being caught, "So, our table of two has now become a three,"

"Oh no, has the post-last day depression started?" he asked, only partly mocking.

"Yep, I need a plate of chilli fries stat,"

"On it," he said, turning around to re-enter the kitchen.

"Hey," she called, causing him to swivel around, "before you go, I forgot to double-check. Eloise's audiologist appointment is this afternoon, you can still make it, right?"

"Yeah, everything's set here. What time, do you want to leave?"

"Um, I'd say about three-ish," she responded, cut off by Rory who exclaimed 'Eloise!' in between laughing. Lorelai and Luke both looked over to find Eloise leaning across the table, trying to grasp the large coffee mug that sat in front of Lorelai's now empty chair. Eloise looked up and gave them both a wide innocent smile, before seeing Luke's stern face and shrinking back into her chair disappointedly.

Lorelai giggled loudly, turning back to face Luke who just rolled his eyes, "She is so your daughter," he said dryly, shaking his head and walking back into the kitchen.

* * *

They sat in the waiting room in silence. Luke looked over to see Lorelai staring absentmindedly at Eloise, who was playing happily with the wooden activity table, which seemed to have appeared in every waiting room they had ever been in. She began to nervously jiggle her leg. Luke placed a pacifying hand on her thigh and she automatically stopped, smiling at him blushingly she placed her own hand on top of his and squeezed gently.

She wasn't nervous as such; it was just a regular appointment. But there were too many bad memories associated with these walls. Memories that she couldn't help but relive anytime she set foot in the general vicinity of this hospital.

"Eloise Danes," a small lady, in her mid-thirties called from the door of her room.

"Hi, Nikki," Lorelai said as she went over to get Eloise, taking hold of her hand and guiding her towards the audiologists room.

"Lovely to see you guys again," Nikki said brightly, once they had all made their way into the room.

It was a soundproof room, the walls and floor all covered in the same felt and the front wall containing a soundproof window and a heavy metal door. It reminded Luke terribly of the padded cells used in psychiatric hospitals, only not as empty. The back wall was lined with computers and various other equipment. There were two chairs off to the side and in the middle of the room was a set of child-sized plastic table and chairs. On the table sat a wooden boat, with 6 wooden people inside.

"Yes, lovely," Luke said dryly, with a fake smile.

First of all, was the regular hearing test, in which Eloise listens to sounds of different frequencies through headphones and places a wooden man inside the boat to indicate when she has heard a sound.

"So," Nikki began, "Eloise's hearing loss hasn't really changed much since last time. She still has an 80 decibel loss in both ears. So she can make out some loud sounds but will struggle greatly with hearing speech,"

Lorelai nodded in confirmation, slightly annoyed that she was telling her what she already knew.

"And Eloise has just turned three, correct?" she asked, looking down at Eloise's file and then looking back up at Luke and Lorelai for confirmation.

"Yes, about a month ago now," Lorelai verified.

"Now, I know that you have already ruled out the idea of Eloise having a cochlear implant, which is fine. But just as procedure, I have to remind you that the older Eloise gets the less likely it is that she will develop speech skills once a C.I is implanted. So, really the most opportune time for Eloise to have a cochlear is now. Just something to think about," Nikki added cautiously.

"I think we're pretty set in our decision, but thank you," Lorelai said politely. Luke's eyes darted between Lorelai and Nikki, unsure if he should speak up. He decided on a grudging nod in confirmation. Luke tightened his hold on Eloise slightly, who was now sat in his lap, resting her head against his chest and sucking her thumb.

"Right then, how are her hearing aid moulds, still okay?" Nikki asked.

"Um, no I think the left one is coming to the end of its life now, we'll probably need a new one," Lorelai responded.

"Well that's no problem," Nikki said brightly, turning around to get a laminated sheet of paper from her desk drawer. The sheet contained about thirty different hearing aid moulds, each in a different colour. Nikki held the sheet out in front of Eloise, "What will it be today then, Eloise?" Nikki said in her usual lively tone.

Eloise looked at the different colours in interest, her eyes curiously scanning the page, she held her finger to her mouth, deep in thought. Luke rolled his eyes and turned to Lorelai, "This is as bad as going to the mall with you," he teased dryly.

"Well what can I say, she learns from the best," Lorelai said playfully, flashing Luke a cheeky smile.

Eloise lent forward and placed her finger on the picture of a bright purple, glittery mould, turning around to smile at both of her parents.

Luke rolled his eyes yet again at her choice, "Have you been training her or something?" he mocked.

"Well of course, where else would she have gotten her fabulous taste from?" Lorelai said playfully, grinning at Eloise.

* * *

That night, Lorelai, Luke and Rory were splayed out in the living room, the end credits of _'The Way We Were'_ running on the TV screen. Rory was laid out flat on the sofa, her head in Lorelai's lap turned to her side to watch the TV; her eyes had fallen shut. Lorelai absentmindedly stroked Rory's hair, she looked over at Luke who sat in the armchair, looking down and the empty beer bottle that he was now twisting round and round in his hands distractedly.

"You sleepy?" Lorelai leaned down slightly to whisper in Rory's ear.

"Nuh uh," Rory said softly, shaking her head, her eyes still closed, she snuggled further into her mother's leg.

Lorelai laughed softly, "Come on, let's get you to bed,"

Rory grudgingly rolled off the sofa, straightening up and then stretching. She made her way over to Luke giving him a hug before doing the same with her mother.

"Night," she called as she began to make her way to her bedroom.

Silence fell on the room. Lorelai reached for the remote and turned off the TV, looking over at Luke again she found that he hadn't moved much since she last looked over. She could see the cogs spinning in his brain.

"Hey Luke?" she asked, he lifted his head to meet her gaze, "You okay?"

Luke just shrugged his shoulders.

"You seem a bit distant. You wanna talk about it?" she asked softly.

Luke was silent for a moment, "I think we should consider a cochlear!" Luke said quickly, the thought bursting from him, before he could stop himself.

"What?" Lorelai said disbelievingly, her voice choked and her face in complete shock, as she looked at him.

"I think," he began loudly, "we should consider it," he repeated, lowering his voice calmly.

Lorelai's eyes glistened, her mouth a gape, she scoffed, "But … why?"

He stood up and began to pace the room, "Because! I want more for Eloise, Lorelai! I don't want her to be disadvantaged in life! She deserves so much more than … this! She doesn't deserve to be diff-"

Lorelai let out a frustrated 'ugh', "Don't use that word!" she shouted angrily at him, her anger forcing her to rise and meet his level, "I _hate_ that word," she growled, her eyes wide and locked on his.

Luke looked slightly taken aback but stood his ground, "She is, Lorelai! Whether you want to admit it or not, she is _different_ and she's going to have to cope with that for the rest of her life!" he exclaimed his volume increasing dangerously as he spoke.

Lorelai looked at him disgusted, "You're making it sound like Eloise's life is over, if she doesn't get this cochlear. _Her life isn't over_!" she shouted at him emphasising the last four words individually.

"She won't be able to go to a regular school, she won't be able to watch movies, listen to music, she won't be able to _talk_!" he listed off on his fingers, shouting the last word pointedly.

Lorelai shook her head, rolling her eyes irritated, "Did you actually do _any _research at all?!"

"Of course I did," he exclaimed defensively.

"Well then you'd know that the only difference between Deaf schools and _regular_ schools is that the students are Deaf. She'll get just as good an education there as she will anywhere else. You'll also know that lots of movies now a days are Closed Captioned and that sound is _vibration, _you can feel it in your body. Deaf people still listen to music, Luke! God, there are many extremely talented Deaf musicians! _She can listen to music_," she stated firmly, "And Luke she's learning to sign, why can't you get your head around that!"

"I know! It's just …," Luke began.

"They have to _cut open_ her brain to install it," she cut him off pointedly, "and it doesn't always work, Luke, what if something went wrong, did you think about that?"

"Of course! It's just … it's just," he stammered, unable to voice what he wanted to say.

"Just, what, Luke! Why do you have such a -"

"I just want her to be normal!" he yelled over her, his patience vanishing. He instantly regretted it, hanging his head in shame.

Lorelai let out a sad breath, her eyes wide and filled to the brim with tears, "How can you .. do you really think that our beautiful little girl is .." she couldn't finish the sentence her voice breaking and fat angry tears spilling down her cheek.

"Lorelai, I didn't mean-" he began apologetically, but was cut off.

"That's what this is about isn't? You want to _fix_ her! Well she isn't _broken_, Luke!" she said angrily.

"Hey! That's not what I meant!" Luke said loudly, pointing a finger at her.

"Don't you understand, its electronic hearing, Luke, _not a cure_!" she exclaimed meaningfully.

"I just want what's best for Eloise," he said firmly.

Lorelai scoffed and shook her head slowly, staring at her shoes, "I don't wanna talk about this anymore," she said quietly, before she turned to the stairs.

"Lorelai, come on, where are you going?" he called after her, as she climbed the stairs.

"Bed," she said shortly, jogging up the rest of the flight.

"Lorelai," he called again desperately, which was followed by the slamming of their bedroom door.

Luke sighed and sunk down into the couch, before dropping his forehead into his hands.

* * *

**TBC? - Yes? No?**

**A/N: Please tell me what you guys think and whether I should continue. For the record, I am hard-of-hearing myself, however as I am not profoundly Deaf, not all my facts may necessarily be correct - I think they are but if they're not I apologise. I am also not american and so have no idea how different things are compared to in the UK.  
**

**Follow, favourite and review!**

**Also, I would greatly appreciate it if you checked out 'Teens on Coffee' another Gilmore Girls fic that I have been writing with my friend, Mo! Thanks! :)**

** s/9454728/1/Teens-on-Coffee**


	2. Decisions, decisions, decisions

**A/N****: Thank you so much for your extremely kind and long reviews (I love long ones, hehe!). It was really interesting to hear your opinions on the topic and actually made me think a little more about both sides of the argument. I can't tell you how gratifying it feels to be able to educate, well anyone really, about this. I would love to continue, chapter three is already in the works, so please let me know what you think, I live for your reviews! Also, one thing I'm curious to know, as a FF writer: does it matter to you guys that it is written in British English, as opposed to American? **

**To Mo, my recently appointed Beta, you have made this process so much more enjoyable. You've really made me think about both sides of this argument, especially from the prospective of a hearing person; the one thing, for obvious reasons, I struggle to see. Your talent, your insight and most of all your friendship, mean more to me than I think you realise; thank you.**

**This chapter is for Lizzie, who read this story first.**

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**Chapter two - Decisions, decisions, decisions.**

"If I were offered a cochlear implant today, I would prefer not to have one. But that's not a statement about hearing aids or cochlear implants. It's about who you are." – Marlee Matlin

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_September 1998_

_Lorelai lay on her side on the big double bed, her face in her hands as uncontrollable sobs caused her body to shake violently. How could this have happened to Eloise; her beautiful daughter? She would never be able to hear the simplest of things: birds singing, the wind rustling the trees, laughter; all things she took for granted. The thing that got to her the most was the fact that she hadn't even realized that her own daughter was deaf. She had sensed that something was wrong, Eloise was two and her speech skills had not improved, but Lorelai hadn't connected the dots. How could she not have known? Had she not been paying enough attention to Eloise? Or had she simply been in denial; not wanting to even consider the possibility. It was all too overwhelming, another flood of emotion filled her and her body racked with sobs once more._

"_Mom?" Rory called from the doorway, her voice ridden with anxiety. _

_Lorelai hastily made to sit up, turning her face from Rory's view and roughly wiping the tears from her face with the back of her hand, "Hey, sweets! How was school?" she asked as brightly as she could manage, sending Rory an unconvincing smile._

_Rory wasn't fooled; she may be thirteen but she wasn't stupid. She walked towards her mother, stopping at the bed, where Lorelai now sat upright. "What's wrong?" Rory asked, her voice shaky and her bottom lip trembling; she hated seeing her mom cry._

_Lorelai took Rory's hands in her own and gave them a reassuring squeeze, "I'm fine, baby, I'm just being silly," she said dismissively, smiling weakly at Rory._

"_Tell me," Rory implored, tears stinging the back of her eyes threateningly, "Please,"_

_Lorelai parted her lips to speak and then hung her head, fresh tears welling up again._

"_It's Eloise, isn't it?" Rory said, her voice coming out barely above a whisper, her eyes wide and glistening. _

_A few tears escaped Lorelai this time, she didn't bother trying to brush them away. She looked slowly up at Rory, through the hair that had fallen in front of her face. Her lip began to tremble, she couldn't form the words. So she simply gave a sad nod before she began to sob silently again. Rory understood and so didn't press any further. She sat down on the bed next to Lorelai and then pulled her into a tight embrace. With this Lorelai couldn't contain her emotion anymore, it flooded out in uncontrollable sobs that left tear-stains on the back of Rory's t-shirt. Her body quivering as she tried to gain some control; for Rory's sake if nothing else. Rory began to stroke Lorelai's hair and rub smooth circles on her back, cooing "Shh," into her mother's ears. Lorelai finally capitulated, allowing her tears to flow thick and fast._

* * *

May 1999 (Present Day)

Luke held his head in his hands, the tears burning the back of his eyes, he squeezed them shut trying to stop the tears from escaping. He couldn't get Lorelai's voice out of his head. The hurt in her voice, the anger in her eyes and the painstakingly wounded look on her face that would be forever emblazoned on his retinas.

He just couldn't understand it. How could Lorelai not want Eloise to hear? The cochlear implant seemed like the most logical explanation to the problem. Eloise was young, which meant she would be able to gain speech and live a much more straightforward life. Surely, when thinking about the long term impacts it would have on Eloise's life, this was the best option.

He just wanted what was best for Eloise.

"Hey," came a soft voice from above him. He looked up to find Rory's sympathetic face looking down at him. He hadn't even heard her come in. It was at that moment he realised that himself and Lorelai had had a screaming match ten metres from Rory's bedroom. A wave of guilt crashed over him.

"So, it turns out you guys forgot that one of your daughters _isn't_ deaf," she joked mildly.

"Oh, Rory I'm so sorry, we didn't mean for you to hear all that," he said apologetically running his hands through his hair before looking up at her again, "How much _did_ you hear?"

Rory looked down at her feet, "Oh, you know … little snippets," she said, trying her best to sound nonchalant.

"So, basically everything?"

"Basically, yes,"

Luke sighed heavily, as Rory sat down on the coffee table opposite him. She eyed him warily as he rubbed the back of his neck tiredly.

"Luke?" Rory asked softly.

Luke looked up to meet her gaze, "Yeah?"

"Can I say something that you're probably not going to want to hear?" she implored.

Luke rolled his eyes, "Sure, why not," he said dryly, propping his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together in anticipation.

"Well, ever since we found out about Eloise, I've been doing _a lot_ of research on the subject. It was actually extremely fascinating. I found out a lot of stuff, that you wouldn't really know about unless you were immersed in a Deaf world,"

Luke rolled his eyes, "Yeah, I've been doing a lot of research myself, thanks," he said gruffly, cutting her off.

"I know, but I don't think you've read this yet," she responded simply. She paused for a minute to gauge Luke's reaction. When she found that he was calm, she continued, "The thing that we don't really understand is that being Deaf isn't just a health issue like having, Tuberculosis or something,"

Luke raised an eyebrow, "Tuberculosis?" he asked incredulously.

"Okay, bad example, but it's nearly twelve, my brain doesn't function at this time of night," she said defensively.

"Okay, sorry, continue,"

"My point was, that it's a lifestyle. Maybe not a lifestyle they have chosen for themselves, but Deaf people have their own culture, they're a community. They have their own values, beliefs, norms, they even have their own language for God's sake!" she said with a laugh, "I guess my point is that one of the reasons why a lot of Deaf people are against Cochlear implants is because it is jeopardizing the future of that culture. Eloise has the opportunity to be a part of that world, I mean if you think about it that way, it doesn't sound so scary, does it?" she questioned tentatively.

Luke breathed deeply, contemplating what she had said "I guess not," he paused briefly before continuing, "but by having the cochlear she has just a good of chance of being a part of our world," he pointed out.

"Well, yes, and no. I mean, sure, by having the cochlear she will be able to hear, but I don't think it's that simple. To some people it can be kind of ostracizing," she said with a shrug.

Luke's eyebrows furrowed together in confusion, "Really? Why?"

"Well they say that once you get a cochlear you're not really anywhere. You're not hearing, you're not Deaf, it's almost like you're in no-mans-land, you know?" she said softly.

"Yeah," Luke nodded slowly, "I guess I never thought about it that way before," he said musingly.

"I mean that's not to say that everyone feels that way, I did read a lot of stories where people were really pleased with their implants. I just thought that you might want to consider those factors when making your decision," she clarified.

Luke looked at her, an amazed smile on his face, "Thank you," he stated, unsure of how else to express his gratitude.

"Anytime," she said dismissively, giving him a small smile.

He sighed, patting her knee before rising from the couch, "Right, I guess I better …" he trailed off, indicating to upstairs with his index finger.

Rory nodded sombrely, removing herself from the coffee table and walking back towards her bedroom, "Good luck," she whispered, before slipping into her room, closing the door behind her.

Luke exhaled heavily before turning for the stairs, "I'm gonna need it," he muttered under his breath as he ascended.

* * *

Luke slowly opened their bedroom door and peered in cautiously. The room was dark. He heard Lorelai before he saw her; her soft cries muffled by her pillow. As he walked in, he saw that she was lying on her side facing the window. She lay on top of the covers, she hadn't bothered to change into her pyjamas; her denim cladded legs curled up under herself.

The worn floorboards creaked as he walked towards the bed, announcing his presence. Lorelai stiffened and silenced her cries abruptly. Luke sighed and sat down on the bed, "Lorelai?" he asked softly.

The room remained silent.

"Lorelai, please, can we just talk about this. Properly," he added, his tone desperate.

Lorelai exhaled deeply, she knew he was right, they needed to have a rational discussion and they needed to make a decision. She unhurriedly made to sit up, turning to face him and sitting Indian style on the bed. She roughly tucked her hair behind her ears and looked up at him apologetically, her eyes still moist.

"I'm sorry, I – I didn't –," she trailed off softly.

Luke nodded his head in understanding, placing a reassuring hand on her knee, "I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have brought it up," he said sadly, looking down at his lap. He now sat Indian style too, opposite Lorelai on the bed.

Lorelai looked disbelievingly at him, "Luke, no, you were right. We need to come to an informed decision on this, together, without me starting a shouting match," she said with a small hollow laugh, shaking her head slightly as she averted his gaze.

"Lorelai," he spoke softly, as he tried to make eye contact with her, "I know there's something wrong, something else, something that brought that outburst on; you don't exactly hide your emotions from me very well," he teased gently, moving his hand from her knee to gently rub her thigh.

Lorelai sniffed and let out a small laugh. She paused for a moment to collect her thoughts before continuing, "I think … I may have been yelling at myself, rather than at you. It's just," she began after a small pause, "I feel guilty," she confessed softly, her voice thick with emotion, looking into his eyes as she spoke.

"Why?" he asked surprised.

Lorelai squeezed her eyes shut, hoping to keep her tears at bay, she spoke softly, "Well … recently … I have kinda been considering … _it_. I mean I stand by what I said, don't get me wrong but when I think about the benefits of a C.I, in the long-term; I begin to change my mind. A part of me thinks that Eloise is perfect the way she is. Why on earth would we want to change her? But then, on the other hand, all I can think is; why should Eloise be any less advantaged than anyone else. Why should she have to struggle in this way, when for others hearing comes so easily? What is fair about that? It would just make her life _so_ much easier, _not better_, but easier," she added pointedly.

"Ah," Luke said in recognition, "And you're feeling guilty that you're considering it," he said knowledgably.

She looked into his deep blue eyes, her own filled to the brim with unshed tears. She nodded slowly, her lip trembling as the tears began to tumble down her face, "I just don't want her to feel like we wanted to change her in anyway, or felt like she wasn't good enough, or, or -," she sobbed softly.

"Hey, hey," he began soothingly, cutting her off, "she won't feel like that,"

"You don't know that, Luke," she began softly, "And I've researched it, you know? It just doesn't feel right to tear her away from this culture, this community. I mean, how do we know what she wants? What if she doesn't want it, Luke? Do we really have the right to make such a life-changing decision for her?" she implored, her voice coming out in a terrified whisper.

"I don't know," he answered truthfully, after a heavy sigh, running his hands over his face tiredly.

"And Luke, I've heard stories … I mean, seriously, some of the things that have happened, gone wrong …" she trailed off, her voice choked as more silent tears cascaded down her face uncontrollably.

Luke looked up from his hands and into her terrified face. He knew the stories she was talking about; he had read them himself. He'd heard about the many risks that encompassed the surgery. He'd read the stories where the implant had failed, or where the patient had simply heard nothing. He'd heard about the risk the surgery has on the facial nerve; leaving the patient with temporary or permanent weakening or full paralysis on one side of the face. He'd heard about the thousands of other risks that came with the implant, ranging from Meningitis to vertigo. According to doctors the chances of any of these happening were so low, that there was no need for them to worry about them. But what kind of thing is that to say to a parent? How can one simply _not_ worry?

"I'm scared, Luke," she spoke softly, her voice wrenched with emotion and sincerity, her eyes wide as they bore desperately into his; the silent tears continued to softly moisten her pale skin.

Luke moved over to her and wrapped his arm around her, allowing her head to fall to his chest. "I know you are, it will be okay, I promise," he assured not only her but himself, placing a tender kiss to the top of her head. He began to stroke her hair and rub small circles on her back rhythmically.

"If anything were to happen … to Eloise, I-I don't think I could forgive myself," she whispered softly into his flannel, before she broke down, dissolving into violent tears that caused her to shake in Luke's arms. Luke held her as she cried, rocking her gently until her sobs subsided and she fell asleep in his arms.

* * *

Lorelai awoke abruptly the next morning, her eyes flying open as her brain drifted into sudden consciousness. She moved her hand slowly, to stroke the sheets on the other side of the bed. She found the space empty, the bed dipping slightly; Luke's presence still imprinted on the mattress from years of use. As she slowly came back to reality, she ran her hand over where his body would lie, if his profession did not force him to rise at five AM every morning. The more awake she became, the more she was reminded of last night's events.

As to avoid any more thoughts of last night entering her mind, she grudgingly rolled out of bed and headed for the bathroom across the hall. She tiredly squeezed toothpaste onto her brush, looking into the mirror as she raised it to her mouth. She stopped short as she saw her reflection. Her eyes were red and puffy, the residues of yesterday's mascara gathered in a dark ring under her eyes, the odd bit escaping down her cheek. Her cheeks shining ever so slightly, the path of her tears were still visible in the well lit room. She sighed heavily, running her hand over her face tiredly before lifting her toothbrush to her mouth once more.

Once her teeth had been brushed, her face cleaned and her bed-hair detangled, she padded slowly across the hall into Eloise's room. Eloise was sleeping peacefully in her small toddler-sized bed. Lorelai smiled at the sight. She slept on her side, her messy dark curls pooling on her pillow, one small hand resting under her head, the other wrapped loosely around a small stuffed-giraffe; which Eloise had not slept without since Rory had given it to her on her second birthday.

Lorelai walked further into the room and sat down in the wooden rocking chair that sat in the corner of Eloise's room. As she slowly rocked, her eyes fixed on Eloise, she remembered the countless times she had sat in this exact chair with a much smaller Eloise in her arms. Coaxing her to sleep or giving her a three AM feed, softly talking to her daughter about anything and everything. All things she was too young to understand at only a couple of months old and all things, she realised now, she wouldn't have heard anyway.

Her brain constantly whirred with thoughts of the implant. Two voices, both hers, constantly arguing over each other:

_Having the cochlear will allow Eloise to have all the opportunities that anyone else would have. _

_But by having it she loses a part of herself, being deaf is what makes Eloise, Eloise._

_Be realistic, she's three years old, she's not even going to remember any of this anyway. You need to think about her future, think about how much easier her life would be if she had this implant._

_What if that's not what Eloise wants? What if she'd prefer to live her life the way she was born to, without a huge hunk of metal on the side of her head impeding on that?_

_A huge hunk of metal? She wears two hearing aids anyway. What do think those are, two small pieces of marshmallows that rest in her ears?_

_Oh, you know what I mean!_

_Eloise is going to live in a hearing world, whether she's deaf or not, you have to face facts, she's going to face struggles. People aren't going to adapt to her, she's going to have to adapt to the hearing world for the rest of her life. If she isn't disabled by her disability, she'll be disabled by society._

_It doesn't have to be that way! We can adapt to her, learn sign language and whatever else it takes. Besides if she goes to a Deaf school she'll be immersed into the Deaf world and we'll meet Deaf families. Why can't she be a part of both worlds?_

The argument always differed as new thoughts to justify both sides entered her brain. However, she always came to the same conclusion: there was no way she'd ever be able to make this decision. This was one of the things that bugged Lorelai the most. This wasn't like choosing between whether to buy a _Honda_ or a _Citroen, _whether to buy the black or purple purse or whether to order one extra piece of pie at lunch. This decision would be affecting Eloise in ways that were so significant, so life-changing that she couldn't even begin to fathom the impact that it would have. She couldn't quite handle the fact that this decision would not be made by the one person who will be affected by it, but by that person's parents and a pile of flimsy research. What if they made the wrong decision?

She had thought about trying to explain the surgery to Eloise. But how do you explain to a three year old what she would be 'gaining', when sound is a concept that is as foreign to Eloise, as hearing nothing at all is to Lorelai.

She gently removed herself from the chair and made her way over to the bed, cautiously lowering herself to the mattress as to not wake Eloise. She listened to the rhythm of her steady breaths as she studied her daughters face, taking in every inch of her. Luke's voice rang in her ears, '_I just want her to be normal!_' like a song that never leaves your head, no matter how much you will it to. And as she looked down at Eloise now, sleeping serenely, she realised that Eloise looked like any other kid. If a stranger was to walk in now, the only indication that there might be something _different_ about Eloise, would be the two tiny hearing aids that lay on the nightstand.

* * *

The next evening the kitchen table was adorned with a large sheet of sugar paper and some magic markers. Lorelai strolled into the kitchen to find Luke hovering over the stove as he gently stirred the contents of a saucepan, a dishcloth slung casually over his shoulder.

"Okay, so I've set Eloise in front of her Barney video, we have paper, pens," she listed off on her fingers as she scanned the room.

"We have the research," Rory reminded, as she came out of her bedroom carrying a huge wad of paper, raising it in the air to emphasise her point.

"Holy mother of, what is that!" Lorelai exclaimed, pointing at the pile of paper

"I told you I did research," Rory said, in way of explanation.

"Yes, but this is not research, this is an inquiry of monumental proportions," Lorelai teased.

"Well, you're welcome, mother, happy I could help," Rory countered dryly, rolling her eyes.

"I'm teasing, thank you," she said seriously, placing a kiss to the top of Rory's head, "I also dug out the pamphlets that the _happy, happy_ receptionist gave to me," she said in a mock perky voice, pointing to the pile of pamphlets on the table

"Oh God, was she that bad?" Rory asked, cringingly wrinkling her nose as she sat down at the table.

"Oh yeah, you'd think we were in Disneyland or something," she said sarcastically, sitting down next to Rory.

Luke turned the rings on the hob off and made his way over to the table with two plates, "She wasn't that bad," he reasoned, as he set the plates in front of Lorelai and Rory and went to retrieve his own.

"Are you kidding? I was this close from pining her to the ground and telling her about all the bad things in the world," she said sarcastically, as she tucked into her food.

Luke merely sighed, before changing the subject as he peered down at the large piece of sugar paper on the table. "Ah, no way! Seriously?" he asked incredulously, pointing at the paper. Written in Lorelai's loopy handwriting at the top of the page was _'Cochlear Implant'_, underneath were two columns, one labelled 'Pro' the other 'Con'.

"What?! This is an important decision, and this is how I make important decisions," Lorelai said defensively, a smile playing at her lips.

"A Pro-Con list." he deadpanned.

"Do you have any other suggestions?" Lorelai asked, arching her eyebrow challengingly.

Luke sighed heavily, defeated, "Fine,"

"Great!" Rory said brightly, "Let's start, I'll write, shall I?" picking up a marker and turning the page to face her before they could respond.

* * *

Twelve O'clock that night, Rory and Eloise had long since gone to bed and Luke and Lorelai were still conversing over the Pro-Con list, which was now full, however the Pro column appeared reasonably longer than the Cons.

Lorelai let out a shaky breath, "So have we decided then?"

"I guess so," Luke held his clasped hands to his lips, as his contemplated it all, "I think this is the right decision, for Eloise," Luke clarified, with a firm sense of finality in his voice.

Lorelai let out a slightly relieved breath, as she nodded, "So, she's going to have the cochlear implant but we'll continue to sign and talk, as we've been doing and we'll make sure that she understands the importance of Deaf culture," Lorelai reiterated, looking to Luke for confirmation.

Luke nodded his approval, "Sounds like a plan," he said softly, as he reached over and placed his hand reassuringly on top of hers, giving it a gentle squeeze.

* * *

**A/N:**** After reading your reviews of my first chapter, I realised what I can use this story to do. I realised that I can use it to share some of my own experiences, as well as to educate. There are lots of things surrounding my hearing 'loss', even though some may be small, that I have become more aware of as I have grown older. Now I don't know if this has come with age, or how in fact it happened, but I am actually beginning to understand my own deafness far better than I ever have before, and as I mentioned in the chapter, view it as something more than a health issue (of which, I have many, haha) **

**It also occurred to me that to share these experiences, Eloise would have to be HOH (Hard-of-Hearing), so my decision to give her the Cochlear Implant was based purely on this. I am in no way implying that this is the way to go, if faced with this decision, nor, for that fact, am I saying that it isn't. **

**So, anyway, thank you for reading! And: review, review, review! *Lorelai voice* **


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